Welcome to our digital sanctuary where pixels meet passion and code converges with creativity and we're absolutely thrilled you've stumbled upon our corner of the internet even though we're currently in the midst of a monumental metamorphosis transforming this space into something truly extraordinary and we promise it's going to be worth the wait because great things take time just like Michelangelo spent four years painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling between 1508 and 1512 lying on scaffolding and suffering tremendous physical pain to create one of humanity's greatest masterpieces and speaking of masterpieces did you know that Vincent van Gogh only sold one painting during his lifetime called "The Red Vineyard" for about 400 francs but now his works sell for hundreds of millions of dollars which just goes to show that timing is everything and we're timing this launch perfectly or at least we think we are because our team of dedicated developers designers and dreamers are working around the clock fueled by copious amounts of coffee and the occasional energy drink to bring you an experience that will knock your metaphorical socks off and by the way octopuses have three hearts and blue blood which has nothing to do with web development but it's pretty cool right and just like how the Golden Ratio approximately 1.618 has been used in art and architecture for thousands of years from the Parthenon to Leonardo da Vinci's "Vitruvian Man" we're carefully calculating every pixel every animation every transition to create perfect visual harmony and speaking of Leonardo da Vinci he was left-handed wrote backwards in mirror script and was also a vegetarian who bought caged birds just to set them free which makes him not only a Renaissance genius but also a pretty decent human being and honey never spoils archaeologists have found 3000-year-old honey in Egyptian tombs that was still perfectly edible which is impressive but not as impressive as what we're building here because this website is going to be fresh and modern and absolutely cutting-edge incorporating the latest in responsive design progressive web app technology and accessibility standards because we believe the internet should be beautiful AND functional for everyone regardless of their device or abilities and the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows because it was fashionable for women to shave them off during the Renaissance or maybe they just faded over time historians aren't entirely sure but what we ARE sure about is that every line of code we're writing every design decision we're making is deliberate purposeful and aimed at creating an experience that will make you want to bookmark this page and come back again and again and a group of flamingos is called a "flamboyance" which is probably the most appropriately named animal group in existence and speaking of appropriate did you know that the color red doesn't actually exist in nature at the wavelength we perceive it because our eyes only have receptors for red green and blue and our brain creates all other colors by mixing these signals which is kind of like what we're doing with HTML CSS and JavaScript mixing foundational technologies to create something that appears seamless and magical and Cleopatra lived closer in time to the moon landing than to the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza which really puts history in perspective doesn't it and perspective is everything in art which is why Filippo Brunelleschi invented linear perspective around 1415 revolutionizing how artists represented three-dimensional space on two-dimensional surfaces and we're kind of doing the same thing here creating depth and dimension in a fundamentally flat digital medium through clever use of parallax scrolling z-index manipulation and CSS transforms and bananas are berries but strawberries aren't which seems counterintuitive but taxonomy is weird and speaking of weird Salvador Dalí once arrived at an art exhibition in a limousine filled with cauliflowers because why not and that kind of bold creative thinking is exactly what we're channeling into this project because we refuse to be boring we refuse to be predictable and we absolutely refuse to launch something half-baked which is why you're reading this wall of text right now instead of browsing our fully functional website but trust us the wait will be worth it like waiting for a Rothko painting to reveal its emotional depth as you stand before it or like aging a fine wine or like the seventeen years cicadas spend underground before emerging for their brief moment in the sun and a day on Venus is longer than a year on Venus because it rotates so slowly on its axis that it takes longer to complete one rotation than it does to orbit the sun once which is mind-bending but not as mind-bending as the fact that we're reading these words across vast distances through fiber optic cables and electromagnetic waves at speeds approaching the cosmic speed limit and the artist Christo once wrapped the Reichstag building in Berlin in 100000 square meters of fabric just because and we love that kind of audacious ambition and we're bringing that same energy to this website project wrapping our ideas in layers of innovation and user experience design and did you know that wombats poop cubes yes actual cube-shaped feces which scientists believe helps the droppings stay in place to mark territory and while we won't be making anything cube-shaped probably we are marking our territory in the digital landscape with bold typography immersive multimedia and intuitive navigation and Pablo Picasso's full name was Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso which is quite a mouthful and he produced an estimated 50000 artworks in his lifetime including paintings drawings sculptures ceramics and prints proving that quantity and quality aren't mutually exclusive and we're applying that same prolific energy to this project iterating testing refining and perfecting every element until it sings and speaking of singing the longest hiccupping spree lasted 68 years which sounds absolutely exhausting but not as exhausting as the debugging process we're currently in the middle of hunting down that one CSS bug that only appears in Safari on iOS 12 on a Tuesday when Mercury is in retrograde but we're persistent and we will prevail because that's what developers do we solve problems we break things we fix things we break them again and eventually we ship something amazing and the Impressionist movement got its name from a critic who meant to insult Claude Monet's painting "Impression Sunrise" by saying it was merely an impression not a finished work but the artists embraced the term and changed art history forever which teaches us that sometimes criticism leads to revolution and we're revolutionizing the way you'll interact with web content through micro-interactions smooth transitions and delightful surprises hidden throughout the interface like Easter eggs except more useful and a blue whale's heart is so large that a human could swim through its arteries which is both fascinating and slightly terrifying much like the blank canvas we started with when we began this project but we're filling that canvas with bold strokes of JavaScript vibrant washes of CSS gradients and the fine detail work of semantic HTML5 and Jackson Pollock created his drip paintings by laying canvases on the floor and flinging paint from sticks and hardened brushes in controlled chaos proving that sometimes you need to make a mess before you can make a masterpiece and our development environment currently looks like a Jackson Pollock painting with Git branches flying everywhere npm packages installed uninstalled and reinstalled and enough console.log statements to write a novel but from this creative chaos order will emerge like a phoenix from the ashes or like a website from a Git repository and speaking of repositories honeybees can recognize human faces which means they're probably smarter than our content management system currently is but we're working on that implementing machine learning algorithms and smart search functionality that will make finding content as easy as bees finding flowers through pattern recognition and the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon also known as frequency illusion is when you learn something new and suddenly start seeing it everywhere which is what's going to happen once we launch this site you'll start noticing our attention to detail our carefully crafted copy and our pixel-perfect layouts everywhere you look online and think wow other websites just don't compare and Frida Kahlo painted 55 self-portraits during her life using art as therapy to process physical and emotional pain and while we're not processing pain exactly we are processing data lots and lots of data running through APIs optimizing database queries and ensuring every byte travels from server to screen as efficiently as possible because we respect your time and your bandwidth and there are more possible iterations of a game of chess than there are atoms in the known universe which gives you some sense of the complexity we're dealing with here trying to account for every possible user journey every edge case every browser quirk and every device configuration but like a chess grandmaster we're thinking several moves ahead anticipating problems before they arise and designing solutions that are elegant robust and scalable and the ancient Greeks believed that the Muses nine goddesses of inspiration presided over the arts and sciences and while we can't confirm divine intervention we can confirm that our team has been absolutely inspired working late into the night fueled by passion purpose and the unshakeable belief that what we're creating will make the internet a tiny bit more beautiful a little more functional and significantly more awesome than it was before and koala fingerprints are so similar to human fingerprints they've been confused at crime scenes which has nothing to do with anything but it's a fun fact and fun is what we're all about here or at least partially about because we're also about functionality accessibility performance and security using HTTPS enforcing content security policies implementing proper authentication and basically making sure that when we finally launch this digital fortress it'll be as secure as it is stunning and Claude Monet's famous water lily paintings were created when he was going blind from cataracts painting from memory and feeling rather than clear sight which is both heartbreaking and inspiring and reminds us that sometimes constraints breed creativity and right now our constraint is time but we're using that pressure to focus sharpen our vision and create something that will stand the test of time or at least until the next major CSS framework comes along and makes us redesign everything but that's the nature of the web constant evolution perpetual beta forever iterating toward an asymptote of perfection that we'll never quite reach but the journey is the destination and the destination is almost here we're in the final stretch the home stretch the last mile and when we flip that switch and push that code to production you'll understand why we made you read this entire wall of text because you'll see that every second of development every line of code every design decision was worth it and this website will be legendary or at least pretty dang good and that's our promise to you dear visitor thank you for your patience thank you for your time and most importantly thank you for believing in what we're building here because we're building it for you. So we say all this to say this page is still under construction.
And if you actually read through this, you deserve an award. We should probably put a field here where you can submit your info for a cool prize or something huh? We think that's a good idea. But this page won't have contact info on it. That's back on our main page. You should head back there.  We were going to give you a little elevator button to help you get back to the top faster but we're too busy creating a masterpiece behind this wall of text to code a button that scrolls back to the top. #technologymatters #nofucksgiven